


Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

by octothorpetopus



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Bisexual Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr. Has a Crush, Gen, I started this fic last year wow, I’m also not too much of a coward to post a christmas Fic in January sue me, M/M, POV Rafael Barba, Post-Episode: s18e06 Broken Rhymes, Pre-Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Rafael Barba & Olivia Benson Friendship, Rafael Barba Sings, Sweet Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., because I'm physically incapable of all fluff, but also angst, lmao I'm hilarious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21901588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octothorpetopus/pseuds/octothorpetopus
Summary: No one should spend Christmas alone. Then again, Rafael Barba spends most of his time alone. Why should Christmas be any different?
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 59





	Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Larkin21](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larkin21/gifts), [juniperhoot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/juniperhoot/gifts), [abogadobarba (daltonfightclub)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/daltonfightclub/gifts).



> I started this last decade (that joke gets funnier every time I know) but I honestly really loved writing it. As per usual, all comments are always read and appreciated! Have a (late) happy New Year!

“Two hours until we’re officially off for the holidays.” Rollins dropped back into her chair like a 132-pound sack of potatoes, somehow managing not to spill a drop of coffee.

"You going down to Georgia to visit your mom?" Fin glanced up briefly from his magazine. It was a slow day at the precinct.

"I wish." Rollins chuckled bitterly. "She's coming up here, since Kim's finally out of prison."

"Sounds thrilling. Call me if you need a cop-out."

"Yeah, thanks, Carisi. How about you, Fin?"

"Ken and Alejandro are hosting Christmas at their place this year. Should be interesting with my ex there."

"Yikes." Rollins took a long, slow sip of coffee. "Let me guess, Carisi. Your family goes all-out for the holidays, don't they?"

"You have no idea. It's a weeklong thing."

"Jesus." All three of the cops' heads snapped towards the elevator.

"Hey, Barba, what are you doing for Christmas?" Rafael shrugged as he stepped out into the squad room. He looked tired. Hell, he felt tired. The week before Christmas was always long and exhausting and this week was no different.

"Cracking open a bottle of Macallan that I've been saving since my law school graduation and watching all three _Home Alones_ consecutively."

"You're not doing anything with your mom?" He shrugged again.

"She's going on an Alaskan cruise." Carisi piped up for the first time since Barba had arrived.

"Wait, so you're spending Christmas alone?" He said it like it was the worst thing to happen since his favorite coffee cart closed.

"Yep." Barba tossed his briefcase down on Carisi's desk and loosened his tie. He dragged over a chair from an empty desk and fell back into it.

"So you're spending Christmas like you spend every other night?"

"Hey, I don't crack open a thirty-year-old scotch every night."

"Why aren't you spending it with Liv and Noah?" An acidic expression came over Barba's face, despite what were clearly his best efforts.

"She did invite me. But she also said she invited Tucker, and if I had to spend Christmas with Ed Tucker, I think I'd kill myself." Fin, although his eyes were still fixed on his magazine, snorted loudly.

"Lieu, please tell Barba he can't spend Christmas alone." Benson, who happened to be exiting her office at that moment, peered at them over her glasses and shook her head.

"Trust me, Carisi, I tried. But-"

"But I'd rather shoot myself than have to give Ed Tucker a goddamn Christmas present-"

"You don't have to get him anything-"

"Of course I do, I'm not a fucking heathen-"

"Just come over-"

"Hey!" Rafael froze like a kid with his hand wrist-deep in the cookie jar. Carisi threw a pencil at his head, hitting his mark just above Rafael's right eyebrow.

"Ow."

"Look, Rafael, no one should spend Christmas alone. I get your whole 'lone wolf' schtick, but also, it's stupid and lame and frankly, bullshit." Rafael's eyes widened. He couldn't remember the last time he'd heard Carisi curse. "Why don't you come out to Staten Island and spend the night with me and my family?"

"Uh, no offense, but I'm not doing Christmas at the Carisis'."

"Too bad. You don't get a choice."

"Don't do it, Barba. I went to Thanksgiving once..." Rollins shuddered comically. "I've never felt so loved and supported in my entire life." Rafael gave her a sidelong glance, then turned back to Carisi.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I'm serious." Carisi winced and pulled himself to his feet, gently stretching his stiff back. He squeezed Rafael's shoulder, an uncharacteristically affectionate gesture. "Look, it's not a big deal. I've got my family, but you guys are my family too. You included. And family gets invited to Christmas."

"I still feel weird interrupting what is very clearly a family occasion-"

"Oh, shut up. There's always someone random, usually one of my sisters' boyfriends or something."

"Yeah, but I'm not your-" Rafael sighed. This was getting exhausting. "You're not letting me out of here until I say yes, are you?" Carisi beamed, his blue eyes practically glowing with fluorescent light.

"Nope."

"Fine. Text me the address." He rolled his eyes, feeling a little comical. And yet, something warm settled deep in his stomach. He didn’t know what it was, only that it was something he hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

It seemed like only hours later that Rafael was standing at the end of a short concrete driveway in the Staten Island suburbs, looking up at a big blue colonial, decked out in lights. His breath froze in the night air, distorting the bright colors in front of him. He could already hear the faint sounds of laughter, and he could smell cinnamon and pine wafting out through the cracked kitchen window. He should just walk up the icy driveway. He knew that. One foot after the other, try not to slip, put the brightest, most parent-impressing smile he could manage on. That was the not-so-secret formula to make it through this Christmas. But his feet seemed to have frozen along with the snow, and he couldn't seem to move them. Then he caught a glimpse of a face in the window, little more than an angular nose and a perfectly coiffed swoop of gray-brown hair, and somehow, that was enough. He swallowed, shoving his pride and his anxieties deep into his soul, and made his way up the narrow driveway. The doorbell chimed a cheerful tune when he pushed it. God, they would have a musical doorbell, wouldn't they? He froze as he saw the vague outline of someone appear behind the frosted glass. Then the door swung open, and Rafael was caught face-to-face with a red-faced, beaming Sonny Carisi.

"You came!" Rafael had no choice but to beam right back. Carisi had that kind of effect on people.

"I came."

"Good." Rafael took a moment to look Carisi up and down. He was wearing what was, without a doubt, the ugliest sweater Rafael had ever seen in his life.

"I, uh... I like your sweater." Carisi looked down for a moment, as if he had forgotten the horrific jingle bell-dotted argyle sweater that he was wearing.

"Oh! Yeah, we do an ugly sweater contest every year. I won." Rafael felt himself visibly relax.

"Oh, thank god."

"Sorry, that probably would've been a good thing to tell you."

"Don't worry about it. I don't own any ugly sweaters. Purposefully, anyway."

Then, a voice from inside:

"Sonny? Is that your friend?"

And another:

"Invite the poor man in, dumbass!"

"Gina! Language!"

"Sorry about that. Why don't you come in?" Carisi pushed the door open a little wider, and Rafael entered the house. The interior was much like the exterior, only warmer- the same cheerful brightness filled every nook and cranny, from the high school pictures on the wall to the painstakingly decorated Christmas tree. “Sorry for the mess. We’ve just got a lot of people over, and-“

”Quit apologizing, Carisi. Don’t worry about it.”

”Fine. I’ll stop apologizing. But only if you stop calling me ‘Carisi.’ We’re not at work, and this is a house literally full of Carisis. You're just gonna confuse people.”

”Alright, deal, Carisi- uh, Sonny. Dominick?”

”He’s Sonny. I’m Dominick.” Rafael spun and came face to face with Sonny. Wait. No. This guy had Sonny’s angular features and twinkling blue eyes, but his presumably dimples cheeks were covered by a thick gray beard, his hair didn’t have a trace of gel, and although Sonny was tall, his father towered over the both of them.

”Dad, this is ADA Rafael Barba. Rafael, this is my dad, Dominick Carisi Sr.” Dominick’s eyes flick back and forth between the two of them.

”Nice to meet you, Rafael. May I call you Rafael?” Suppressing a laugh, Rafael nodded. Dominick Carisi Sr.’s Staten Island accent seemed ten times as pronounced as Sonny’s.

”Of course. Thank you for having me, Mr. Carisi.” Rafael held out a hand and winced at Dominick Carisi Sr.’s vice grip. 

"Call me Dominick. Sonny, are you going to keep our guest confined to the front hall for the rest of the evening, or are you gonna take him into the kitchen and introduce him?" Sonny rolled his eyes.

"Jesus Christ-"

"Language."

"Rafael, would you like to come into the kitchen?" Rafael stifled a laugh.

"Sure." Sonny put a hand on his shoulder and steered him into the cozy kitchen, overflowing with that same cinnamon smell as outside. The limited floor space was almost entirely claimed by a group of tall blonde women. Rafael recognized Bella, with a baby in her arms, and Tommy, who was seated at the table.

"Ma!" Sonny waved over one of the women.

"Is this your friend, Sonny?" Sonny smiled.

"Rafael, this is my mom, Andrea. Ma, this is-"

"You're the one who helped Sonny study for the bar last year?" Sonny flushed, but Rafael nodded.

"Rafael Barba, ma'am. And it was my pleasure." Andrea regarded his outstretched hand for a moment, then knocked it aside and pulled him into a tight hug.

"As far as I'm concerned, anyone who does so much to help two of my kids is family."

"I- oh." Sonny gently dragged Rafael out of his mother's grip and led him further into the kitchen. Bella hugged him even tighter than Andrea.

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Barba."

"Nice to see you again, Bella. Is this the baby?" Bella smiled wider than seemed humanly possible.

"This is Rosie. Would you like to hold her?" Sonny burst out laughing at the horrified look on Rafael's face.

"I'm, uh- I'm good. Maybe later."

"Is this the big-shot lawyer?" Sonny rolled his eyes as yet another woman approached. She seemed to be a couple years younger than Sonny and Bella, but all three of them shared the same narrow faces and broad smiles.

"Rafael, this is my sister Gina. Gina, please don't harass him, or I'll never introduce you to any of my coworkers ever again."

"Joke's on you, I've already met all of them. Check and mate."

"Gina."

Gina frowned, but another sip of wine and she seemed to have recovered.

"You're no fun." Or maybe not.

"Really? I'm no fun? Well, what about-" Rafael turned around and tuned out the Carisi siblings' bickering.

"You must be the last Carisi sibling," he said, approaching the only person in the room he hadn't met yet. She leaned against the countertop, nursing a beer and surveying the room.

"Last?" She snorted. "I don't know what Sonny's been telling you, but I was first."

"Sorry, that's not what I-"

"I'm just kidding." She held out a hand. "I'm Teresa."

"Rafael." He turned to look back at the loud, crowded kitchen. "Is it always like this?"

"Pretty much. You'd think it wouldn't be quite so crazy, 'cause we're all here practically every weekend, but..." She gestured out at the scene in front of them.

"No kidding."

"Teresa!" Teresa was called away by her mother, leaving Rafael alone in the corner of the kitchen.

"You okay?" He must have looked more uncomfortable than he thought he did, because the level of concern on Sonny's face was overwhelming. "I know it can be a lot-"

"It's fine. It's actually... great." Sonny looked a little surprised, which made Rafael laugh. "I don't have any siblings, so I never really got the big family Christmas. This is different, but I'm having a good time. Cross my heart."

"Good." Sonny offered him a beer, which he took. They settled in against the counter, and Rafael sighed contentedly. If this was what a normal Christmas was like, it was weird, and exhausting, and just a little bit too hectic, but it certainly beat a night home alone in his apartment.

"That was excellent, Andrea." Rafael leaned back in his chair, feeling something like a beached whale.

"I'm glad to hear it." Sonny rose to start collecting plates, and Rafael quickly joined him.

"You're so frickin' polite. I'm pretty sure my mom's about ready to adopt you."

"I learned a long time ago that good manners'll get you everywhere."

"Oh, really? That include in court?" Rafael shrugged, and they shared a quiet laugh as Sonny stacked plates in the sink.

"You know, I'd never have thought of lasagna as a Christmas food."

"We would do turkey or something normal like that, 'cept neither of my parents can cook anything that's not Italian."

"How about you? You're the one who's always promising to cook for all of us sometime." Sonny smiled, his face flushing a little in the warmth of the overhead lamp.

"Well, I don't want to toot my own horn, but I do make a pretty mean ropa vieja."

"Ropa vieja? Really? You know I'm Cuban, right?"

"I guess I'll just have to make it for you sometime, then." Their eyes met for just a brief moment, then they both returned to scrubbing dishes. Rafael felt his face burning, and when he glanced over at Sonny, the tips of his ears were a bright vermilion.

"Hey!" Bella tapped both of them on the shoulder, making them jump. "Didn't you hear me calling from the living room?" Rafael and Sonny shared a look.

"Sorry, guess the sink was too loud."

"Well, we're opening presents, doofus." She led them both into the living room. The only open seat was one loveseat, so small that when Rafael and Sonny sat down, Sonny was nearly sitting on top of him. It was surprisingly unsurprising how much his heart felt like it might shoot out of his chest and land in Mama Carisi’s wine glass. 

But the moment passed, although the memories of it did not, and soon they disappeared into the back of his mind, along with Gina’s candles and the St. Michael medal for Sonny. And then-

“Rafael.” Sonny elbowed him in the side, snapping him out of his thoughts. 

”Hm? Oh!” Sonny pressed a long, skinny box into Rafael’s hands. “Oh my god, you didn’t have to get me anything.”

”Of course we did! It’s Christmas, isn’t it?” Andrea smiled and Rafael briefly considered asking her to become his second mother.

”You let me invade your family Christmas, that’s enough of a gift for me.”

”We already bought the damn thing, now open it!” Andrea have her husband a shocked look, but the kids just laughed. With a little bit of reluctance, Rafael tore open the snowman-patterned wrapping paper (well, “tore” might be a strong word. More like “carefully dismantled”.) Inside the box, nestled in a bed of tissue paper, was a dark blue tie, dotted with tiny yellow and blue flowers. It clearly wasn't the most expensive tie, but it was silk, and despite Rafael's traditionally critical eye, he couldn't find a single flaw in it. Or maybe it was just that he couldn't find a single flaw in their motivations.

"Sonny's always talking about how well-dressed you are," Andrea explained, and Sonny's face turned a deep crimson red.

"Ma, please."

"It's lovely." Rafael was surprised to find that he was almost choked up. "Thank you."

"Thank _you._ For everything you've done for our kids." Rafael nodded.

"Uh, here." He hurriedly cleared his throat and handed Andrea the hastily wrapped package he had brought with him. "I apologize for the wrapping job. It's never been my forte-" But she was already tearing away at the packaging.

"Oh!" Her hand when to her mouth and she let out a sharp gasp.

"Carisi- uh, Sonny- mentioned that you had a pretty extensive record collection, but you didn't have anything to play it on. My mom had this for years, but never had any use for it, so I-"

"It's perfect."

"Good. I'm glad you like it." Andrea squeezed his hand, and Rafael felt an overwhelming surge of affection, not just for her, but for this whole family, these people he had only heard about for so long, who welcomed him so easily with open arms. Shit, was he crying? He better not be crying.

"Well, I think that's it." Dominick Carisi Sr. slapped his thighs and stood. "Why don't I finish up the dishes? You boys deserve a break, I think." Rafael noticed the brief look he shared with his wife as they went into the kitchen. What was that all about?

"I apologize for the fact that my father still thinks I'm sixteen. I think that's just my permanent state in his mind." Rafael shrugged and nudged Sonny with his shoulder, a gesture which, judging by the startled expression on Sonny's face, was beyond any affection he had ever showed. Oh well. Worst case scenario, he could blame it on the beer and pretend it never happened. "Hey!" Sonny jumped off the sofa, his face bright. "You wanna see my childhood bedroom? It hasn't been changed since I was thirteen."

"I've literally never wanted to see anything more in my entire life." Sonny led him up the stairs, past a half-dozen photos of him- in a baseball uniform, in his graduation cap and gown, in his dress uniform- that vaguely resembled a shrine. "Please tell me you had a racecar bed. Please, please, please tell me you had a racecar bed."

"I'll do you one better." Sonny opened the first door on the left, emblazoned with a big blue letter S, and held it open. "I had a-"

"Oh my god, is that a pirate ship?" It was, in fact, a bed shaped like a pirate ship, complete with a steering wheel in the baseboard and a pair of Jolly Roger pillows.

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Unfortunately?" Rafael sat on the edge and ran his fingers over the shark-printed comforter. "This is the greatest thing I've ever seen in my entire life." He pulled out his phone. "I need pictures to show to Rollins."

"Please. She's already seen the effects of teenage Sonny's obsession with Pirates Of The Caribbean." He sat down next to Rafael, making them both sink a little further into the bed.

"Thank you," Rafael said quietly, so quietly he was sure Sonny didn't hear it.

"For what?" He shrugged.

"For inviting me here. For making me come, really. I... I've had a really good time. Thanks to you."

"Of course. I meant what I said. I wasn't going to let you be home alone on Christmas." Rafael's eyes narrowed, and he eyed Sonny, puzzled.

"Why are you so intent on me not being alone on Christmas?" Sonny looked down and swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat like he swallowed an 8-ball.

"You just... you seem... lonely. I don't know. You seem lonely and- and sad. And as much as we- as much as I try, you don't seem to want to be much of anything other than those two things! And I just- I don't want you to be lonely, and I don't want you to be sad! I want you to be happy." Rafael was taken aback. He said it so... straightforwardly. There was nothing cagey about it, no avoidance, no beating around the bush. He said what he meant and he meant what he said. Rafael wasn't used to hearing Sonny speak so concisely.

"Well... I am happy. Tonight, at least. Mission accomplished." Sonny nodded, his face flushed.

"Good." Rafael reached into the pocket of his sport coat.

"I, uh... I actually have something for you. I was saving it. This seems like a good time." He pulled out another package, just as messily wrapped as the first, only much smaller. Sonny turned it over in his hands.

"Rafael, you didn't-"

"Just open it." With careful, delicate hands, Sonny opened the package and turned it over. Rafael hated to toot his own horn, but even he had to admit, it was the perfect gift.

"Is this-"

"Uh huh." It was a picture frame, and the picture inside was one that was familiar to both of them. It had been taken on a warm April afternoon almost a year ago, at one of the squad's local haunts. It had been a long, hard day, but Sonny's solution to those kinds of days was always a cold beer and a minor league hockey game on a shitty bar TV, so that was where they met- Sonny, Rafael, Olivia, Amanda, Fin, and Mike. They had asked the bartender to take a picture of them- one last picture of all of them before Mike left. It was still the last picture they ever took with him, but for different reasons. In the picture, they were all smiling breathlessly, not because they had to, but because they couldn't stop. Sonny had one arm thrown around Mike, the other around Rafael.

When Sonny looked up from the picture his eyes were shining.

"I know he was your friend- uh, your best friend. So I-"

"Rafael, it's perfect." Sonny wiped away the tears that had started to fall and threw his arms around Rafael, squeezing him into a bear hug.

"I- oh." Rafael stiffened, but slowly relaxed into it.

"I, um, I have something for you, too," Sonny said as he pulled away, as if he had just remembered it. He reached under the bed and pulled out a neatly wrapped box.

"Your wrapping skills are-"

"A lot better than yours, yeah." Rafael let out a burst of laughter, real laughter, for the first time he could remember. That seemed to clear the clouds from Sonny's face, and he was back to his usual, well, sunny self, although he still clenched the picture frame in a white-knuckle grip. "I think we might have had similar ideas." Rafael gently peeled the tape off the paper and unfolded it to reveal a large square frame. In the frame was a newspaper- the New York Times. Not the front page, but not the back either. And in black and white ink, sprawling across the paper, was a grainy photo. Rafael saw himself, unsmiling in front of a sea of cameras and microphones, and just to his side was Sonny, gazing at him. Somehow, his eyes were still obviously blue, even though they were gray. The headline over the picture read: _**"MANHATTAN D.A. WILL RETRY ACCUSED KIDNAPPER".**_

"From the-"

"-Lewis Hodda trial. Our first case together. Look there." Sonny pointed one long, bony finger at the caption under the photo. "'Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba and Detective Dominick Carisi Jr. promise justice for the family of Hector Rodriguez.'"

"I love it."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. Thank you. Thanks for everything. I, um-" Shit. He could feel his face heating up and his voice start to crack. He was not going to cry, not on Christmas, not in front of Carisi, and definitely not on Carisi's pirate ship bed. "I know I already said that, but I... Christmas- it's always been kind of a big deal for my family." Sonny's brow furrowed.

"But you seemed so chill about it when we asked."

"Yeah, I know. That's just who I am, I guess. But-" He cleared his throat and lowered his eyes to the newspaper in his lap. It was easier to keep his eyes fixed on the grainy black-and-white Sonny than the real Sonny sitting less than a foot away from him. "My dad, we never really had the best relationship. I hate him, actually. Hated him, anyway."

"You don't talk about him much." Sonny was quiet, but Rafael felt his bony knee dig a littler deeper into his thigh as Sonny crossed his legs.

"Well, we don't all have the perfect nuclear-family thing you've got going on here. Sorry. That sounds meaner than I meant it."

"S'okay."

"He died. Sixteen years ago next month. And to be fair, when he was alive, he was a real piece of shit." Rafael could feel his chest tightening, his lungs constricting, the air leaving his mouth more than it came in. But he could also feel Sonny's breathing next to him, and he took a few slow, deep breaths. "Except... except on Christmas. On Christmas, we were a normal family. And we always made a really big deal of it." His stomach sank and his heart warmed as he remembered. "We all went over to my _abuelita's_ apartment, and we had _lechón_ and _arroz con leche._ And for that one day, everything was right with the world. I remember one year, I think I was, I don't know, eight or so? And my dad gave me a pair of ice skates. The next day, he took me to Rockefeller Center, and he taught me how to skate."

"That sounds nice."

"It was, and that's the shitty thing. I want to hate him, and I do, but mixed in with all the bad are these good memories. There were moments in my childhood when I was truly happy. That was one of them. The reason I love Christmas is because it's the one day a year I don't... I don't feel like I have to hate him. It's the one day I can remember the good times as they were, and just forget about the bad times. My mom and I- and my _abuelita,_ before she died- we always go to midnight mass on Christmas Eve. It's the one time a year I go to church voluntarily."

Sonny, ever the good catholic, let out a quick bark of laughter.

"And we always say a prayer for Dad before we go. And then we go home, and we get to have that nice Christmas, and remember the good times. And I can't tell if that's fucked up or not."

"I don't think I'm the right person to tell you that."

"Yeah. Probably not."

"So... if Christmas is such a big deal for you and your mom, why'd she go on that cruise?" 

"Her new boyfriend bought the tickets for her birthday. I don't think she would have left, but how do you explain that you can't go with him on a cruise because you need to be there for your forty-something year old son and go say a prayer for your dead husband who you had very mixed feelings towards?"

"...Fair point."

"And it's fine. I told her to go. But the truth is, if you hadn't invited me here, I don't know that I would have made it through Christmas." Finally, he turned to face Sonny. Sonny's face was still bright red, and his soft smile had faded gently into a studious expression, but his eyes, those eyes, were locked on Rafael in a way that made him feel seen in a way that... well, nobody had ever made him feel seen. Or maybe it wasn't really the eyes. Maybe it wasn't anything physical at all. Maybe it was just that Sonny was the first person other than Olivia that he had ever told about saying a prayer for his father on Christmas, and maybe it was just that Sonny listened to everything he had to say without judgement. Either way, Rafael felt himself sinking even further into the bed, like it might swallow him whole. And frankly, he didn't think he would mind too much.

"Can I just say... I think inviting you to Christmas is the best decision I ever made- wait, no. Second-best."

"Really? What's the first?" And then it happened. To his credit, Rafael didn't react as poorly as he generally did in his worst-case-scenario nightmares. Still, when Sonny Carisi leaned down and kissed him, sweet and hard, he simply... froze. Didn't pull away, didn't jump or even flinch. Just remained perfectly still, like a man staring down a lion.

"Was that... shit, was I wrong?" Rafael moved his lips, but no words came out. Then he sucked in a breath- he didn't even realize his lungs had been devoid of air- and spoke just as calmly as he could.

"Your parents, they're just downstairs. Aren't... aren't you worried?" Sonny narrowed his eyes, then burst out laughing, Rafael's confused expression only made him laugh harder.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. Fuck." He finally calmed himself and stared into Rafael's eyes, his hand resting lightly on Rafael's leg. "Rafael, my parents have know I liked men since I was nineteen. I'm not worried."

"Oh. Sorry, I just assumed-"

"I definitely thought they wouldn't be cool with it, but... well, I don't think it's their ideal situation that their only son is, y'know, gay, but as catholic as they are, they'd leave the church for their kids if they had to." Rafael didn't think he could love Andrea and Dominick more in that moment. "I... I guess I don't actually know if you're, y'know-"

"Oh my god, you're gay, can you not actually say it?" Sonny rolled his eyes and smacked Rafael's chest lightly.

"I was being delicate, asshole."

"Yeah, well, quit it. I'm not gay." Sonny's face fell. "But I date men." A switch flipped, and Rafael could practically see the eagerness in his face. God, he was basically a fucking golden retriever, if golden retrievers used as much hair product as the cast of Grease and Grease 2 combined.

"Can I, um-" Rafael didn't give him a chance to finish before he kissed Sonny again, gripping his face in both hands. Rafael, for the first time that night, didn't feel like he was melting. In fact, it felt like it was Sonny's hands, on his back, his neck, his face, that were holding him together.

"Thank you so much for having me." Rafael tucked the tie box and framed newspaper under his arm. "I really can't thank you enough for everything you did for me tonight." He locked eyes with Sonny over Sonny's parents' shoulders.

"It was our pleasure." Sonny's dad gave him another one of those bone-crushing handshakes.

"Really." Andrea squeezed him into a hug (did all of the Carisis have such insane upper body strength) and kissed his cheek. He officially had a second mother. "You're welcome back anytime."

"I might just have to take you up on that." Andrea turned over her shoulder to look at her son.

"Sonny? Why don't you walk him out to his cab?"

"Sure, Ma."

"Merry Christmas!" Rafael called over his shoulder as they left the warmth of the house for the frigid darkness outside. They shuffled down the icy driveway side by side, pausing at the end, where a yellow cab was waiting.

"Bye." Rafael smiled, hefting the frame further under his shoulder. He popped up onto his tiptoes, and very hesitantly pressed a kiss to Sonny's cheek. He turned to get in the cab, but a hand on his free arm stopped him.

"Wait." He spun around. Sonny leaned forward and kissed him, the faint taste of coffee and cinnamon still on his breath. After what seemed like both seconds and hours, he pulled back, resting his forehead against Rafael's. "Merry Christmas," he murmured, and as Rafael got in his taxi, those words rattled around his head. A merry Christmas, indeed.

And for the first time in a long time, he didn't think about the bad. He didn't think about all the things that had gone wrong. He thought only about the look on Sonny's face as he wiped away tears, so moved by the photo he had seen a dozen times before.

On the cab ride home, he said a quick prayer for his father.

And then he just thought about the good, and like every Christmas before, and like every Christmas that would come later, that was enough.


End file.
